you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
