I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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