You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
