Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
