just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
