I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
