Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
