I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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