Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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