I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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