My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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