no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
