Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
