Ketchup is God's man juice
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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