Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
