my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
