I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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