Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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