So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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