I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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