if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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