it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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