are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
