Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
