he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
