i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
