i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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