Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
