It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
