3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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