I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
