i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
