I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize