You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
