Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
