You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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