I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
