Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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