Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
