Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
