sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
