Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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