Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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