I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
