You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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