if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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