Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
