That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
