bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
