I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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