I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
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The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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