I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
