I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
