I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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