Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
