I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
