My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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