Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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