I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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