It's like God shit irony all over that family
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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