Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
