i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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