Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
