I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
