i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
