I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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