ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
dude. I can hear the air.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
