went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wear drunk well.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
