i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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