The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
