you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
