I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
