I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
